This is one of my favorites from a walk alone in the park after taking B to drama class. It hangs so elegantly and solitary, but it is strong. This is what I need to absorb in the depths of my debts when I can't see the fog clearing. Remember the elegant single curl growing alone on the vine. It really has been so shockingly stupefying to be so on the edge all the time. My memory is frail, I have little ambition, I am terribly disorganized. But I do know that there have been better days and so I suppose that is a strong indicator that there can be good days again.

I love this one too! I love the busyness behind the front curl. It's all inside. All the stuff, the energy, the meaning - it's all inside.

Now this one is fun - all messy and frantic. More of the energy released, like it is going somewhere, not stopping and posing like the one above. Same branch. New outlook. It's a good lesson.

way of seeing?

I got a new camera and I am so in love with the idea of catching life in a frame! I imagine myself an artistic intellectual, babbling brilliantly about all sorts of ways of seeing. Really what I like is to find texture and motion.

Yum yum camera time!

turning point, perhaps?

Sometimes in life I think we have the opportunity to recognize and realize a shift in our selves. I am thinking I may have just experienced one, and it is encouraging and refreshing. Days were getting just a tad too stale.

Resolutions:

Read better books

Watch better films

Find better friends

Be better self.

No problem, right? Ah, just ride it out and see where I end up....

advancing

The resume first draft - nearly done. Now for the rounds of critique. Everyone will tear it apart, help me put it back together. I like it the way it is, and I wish I could just hand it over to the job overlord, who would then grant me my destined employment, and I could go on my merry way. Not so. After this I will necessarily suffer much humiliation, rejection, disappointment and so on with the gloom. Hmm. (that was a medium loud sigh)

What else? (Thank you for asking) I am supposed to be preparing auditions, for winning a real job as a violist. So divided am I. But, it is progress, one could say. 

Determined

According to Radio Lab, one is set up for success early on in childhood, and they can measure this at age 4 based on whether or not one is able to forgo immediate gratification for bigger rewards later. I wish I had been given the test and could find out if everything were actually going to turn out ok now. I am rewriting my life. Well, at least my resume. I have to show what my brain is like without the viola. I have to find - (gasp!) - a non-music job. Ouch!

I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. I am, hence, determined. But, in this economy, how? I have a list of crazy ideas. Panhandling, dancing, selling stuff on ebay. All soooo creative. How about just plain old job in an office? You should see me typing this. It won't be the thing they hire me for. Anybody need an office violist?

Now is my moment of the day I set aside for resume refining. And THAT is why I am suddenly long-winded on the abandoned blog.

Phooey.

it was vacation

It has been vacation for a long time now, and I am forgoing the impulse to apologize to the great internet god of discipline about being away from my self-serving duty to "blog" (funny sounding verb, no? blogo, blogas, blogat, blogamus, blogatis, blogunt). (Blogunt? That one is fun!)

In any case, it is today that I am here; let me reflect on today.

Good. All done.

I read a worthy book last year, just week ago, called Eats, Shoots, Leaves. Brilliant! I know that I have reached grammar geek heaven! I have the un/fortunate dis/advantage of having been raised by a grammar perfectionist who would correct library books and magazines routinely. I counldn't continue a story with "wut" in place of "whhhhat" (emphasis on the aspiration), being stopped again and again to correct "to whhhhom" and other such horribly annoying practices for whhhich I am actually quite grateful now, now that I am so wise! Ergo, I was so tickled to find and read - cover to cover - with great relish - a book about the little bits of ink that we put all over our english. We don't agree on some of it, but then again, I am glad that we do not have an academy anglaise (not a sauce!), but it would be nice not to see so much punctuation slaughter!

And now, off - to the ice and snow - calling, outside.

brainless

If you are considering going about your day brainless, listen first. I don't recommend it. I have been sneakily trying it on myself now for a couple of days (at least) and let me tell you: it is difficult. I'm not sure if I am supposed to have coffee, so I do. Then I remember that I meant to quit and give in one more time to that caffeinated call of nature just one more time for good measure. Then I look around me hoping that something will jostle my memory as to what it is - which part of my invisible list of tasks - I had intended to focus on just at the moment. Then I attempt to fool myself that I have found it and give a feeble but symbolic effort to complete that task.

There has to be a better way! If anyone finds a brain on the loose, most likely wearing a scarf, as that is one thing I adhere to almost religiously, please send it on its way. I figure if it wants to come back, it will. I wouldn't want it to resent being with me again!